If Silence is Golden, then Pause is Platinum
Time doesn't fly these days, it evaporates. Everyone craves it. No one has enough of it. It's the chorus emerging from today's 24/7 culture and it's at the forefront of why everyone is stressed out, overburdened and living life in overdrive.
I used to say, “My cup runneth over with stress. I can't take on one more thing, no matter how small.” I had a happy marriage with a beautiful kid, a high charged career, great friends and an active social life. I had everything but I had no peace in my life. I was always distracted and in many ways, I was falling apart from the stress of giving every minute of the day to someone or something else. I didn't know which moved faster -- my mind reciting an endless To Do list or me racing from one thing to another; constantly racing against the clock.
RELAX. SET. GO. is a quick step program that turns a pause into perspective and a minute into magic that can last a lifetime. It will make you feel like Superman. It will make you feel greater peace and balance. It will make you happier and more successful. It will make you appreciate the little things and give you the confidence to go after the big things. It will make a difference. It made such a big difference for me and my family that I want to share it with everyone. It's easy and it works. So, are you ready to change your life? Get ready to RELAX. SET. GO.
Wednesday, November 25, 2009
RELAX . . . Everyone has time to pause
If you don’t believe me, take this simple test. Try to clear your mind and do only one thing: watch the clock for one minute. Did you make it? You may be surprised by how many people crave more time but struggle to stop everything. It’s hard to do and almost no one turns off completely. Many people become impatient as the seconds tick by, ironically, frustrated that time is not moving fast enough. Others go into what I call the “default mode” by keeping their mind in overdrive, thinking, thinking, thinking, so not to spare or waste a second in time.
It’s remarkable how long one minute can be when you are actually watching the clock and not racing against it. A minute is more time than you think. It is also enough time to make a difference in your day to day and ultimately, in your life. The beauty of taking time to relax and pause is that it doesn’t require time at the sacrifice of something else. Everyone can capture a minute or even more. And, oddly enough, by taking the time to pause, you can slow your emotional clock because pause brings perspective and perspective generally buys time.
"Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an hour, and it seems like a minute. THAT'S relativity." - Albert Einstein
Time doesn’t discriminate but it is what you make it. The minute you start racing, the clock does too, or at least, your perception of it does. When you breathe and take things slowly, time is more likely to be on your side. It becomes the asset instead of the liability, and the asset can bring on remarkable change. That change will be inspired by how you SET your energy and narrative. When you tap into the simple secrets of RELAX. SET. GO. you will quickly find your personal best and attract the same in others. Oh yeah, and you’ll be ready to dream bigger and to achieve more than ever before.
Monday, November 30, 2009
Let's Talk About Out of Whack Time Based Expectations
In an absurd contradiction, technology has made our lives more complicated by making everything so convenient, accessible and fast. Email, instant messaging and social networking are the definition of a modern paradox. While fast and accessible, they are also some of the biggest time bandits we face today. There is little that sucks up time faster than constantly trying to empty the inbox. At the same time, social networking has turned six degrees of separation into one degree and has made everyone the star, writer, producer and director of their own reality show. It's also spawned a whole new way of doing business. It can be exhilarating and exhausting. One thing is for sure, it takes time and for so many, it takes priority.
Because the Internet is here all the time, it feels that the same is expected of us. This creates the pressure to respond and the stress to produce, in an instant. There is a cultural distortion that implies “if you don’t respond quickly, you don’t care . . . if you don't produce immediately, you're not on top of things.” I remember when it was expected that smart business proposals took time to construct, write and present (in the long lost method of "in person"). Now, we are sent a request for proposal, expected to see it the minute it hits the inbox and further, expected to drop everything else (also urgent, of course) to ensure it's immediate response (via email). Gone are realistic time based expectations and face to face communication. The new deadline is "due yesterday" and not only do we speak with our fingertips, but like everything else, they are always in motion.
There is so much more to say on this topic but I'll save it for later because I know that everything takes time; even reading the blog. This post just skims the surface of why we need to see a sea change. More later on how RELAX. SET. GO. will start the motion. Right now, just take a deep breath, relax and pause. Feels good even when things don't.
Tuesday, December 1, 2009
The Big Blur Phenomenom
Personal life is not much different. The phone is always on, the calendar is always full, everything is expected to be completed in a nanosecond, the cost of living is increasing and the margin of successfully getting everything done is decreasing.
Whether at work or in personal life, we tend to move from one obligation to the next, often moving so fast that things get left incomplete because of scheduling, deadlines and unexpected interruptions. I call it the big blur phenomenon because we are moving so fast that there is little distinction between the things that define our lives. As a result, we often miss what’s most important. Days merge into weeks, weeks merge into months and time flies faster and faster. It’s no wonder that we are stressed out and in need of a break!
Wednesday, December 2, 2009
The Common Sense Law of Perspective
Overload is directly related to the relevance, or the perspective that we assign to each and every thing we do. If everything is perceived as important (value) and urgent (time based) then everything will be important and urgent. Rest assured, it will also be a direct line to exhaustion and burnout. At the same time, if everything is perceived as urgent, regardless of importance, then urgency will run your life and it will still lead to exhaustion and burnout.
I used to say that I missed being able to focus on what was important rather than what was urgent (everything). I was being pushed to the limit, not only by my own sense of urgency but by the urgent requests of others -- both personally and professionally. Were they really urgent requests? Or was the urgency driven by someone else's agenda that I allowed to become my own? It took RELAX. SET. GO. to realize that urgency is often manufactured and that someone else's agenda didn't automatically have to become my own. I also realized that urgency is compounded by stress. Less stress; less urgency; more importance. And of course, stress is compounded by time based expectations.
I finally realized The Common Sense Law of Perspective. It's the true "secret," and a key tenet to RELAX. SET. GO. The Common Sense Law is this simple fact: Perspective drives the reality we create. But what drives perspective? More importantly, what do we let drive perspective? How much thought do we actually put into perspective? If we don't think about it, question it and shape it, then chances are that we are not in control of it . . . and therefore not in control of our reality.
RELAX. SET. GO. will teach you to be both the observer and driver of your perspective and therefore, of the reality you create. A positive perspective will always trump negative and the ability to create what I call "pocket perspective" will always trump chaos. Pocket perspective is simply being able to relax and pause in order to apply positive perspective to a specific matter at hand. Think of it as the "one thing at a time" method of perspective.
The beauty of perspective is that we really can change it in an instant. It may take a little practice but it's easy with RELAX. SET. GO. Perspective alone, allows you to adjust, not what the world expects of you, but what you expect. This doesn't mean trading high standards in exchange for mediocrity. To the contrary, excellence is exactly what we are striving for here; an excellent life, to be exact.
Thursday, December 3, 2009
Stress Block Syndrome
No matter how large, small, important or irrelevant, I would stress over the things I expected to do but didn’t get to. My to do list was an ongoing pile up of deadlines and intentions that weighed me down, closed me in and threatened my good nature. My to do list turned into a stress list and the greater the stress, the more emotionally blocked and subconsciously negative I became. I was suffering from Stress Block Syndrome. It happens when the negative influences of stress work to block emotional clarity and energy consciousness.
Picture a gateway that affects the decisions you make and the manner in which you live your life. Negative energy blocks the gateway and positive energy keeps it open. No matter how self aware people think they are, most live in a low state of energy consciousness. RELAX. SET. GO. reclaims the all but lost ability to relax and pause. But, it's success lies in the ability to recognize and SET the energy and attitudes that guide your life. It's about setting life to the positive and living life to the fullest, or more importantly, to fulfillment. That alone gives pause. You will relish the moment and have the confidence and passion to GO for anything and everything you desire.
Monday, December 7, 2009
Identifying Your Personal Energy
Without self direction, personal energy and therefore you, are subject to the whim of circumstance. What is your personal energy? How is it influenced by the situation or by the way you may physically feel at the time? Are you operating in the negative or in the positive? By answering the following questions, you will begin to raise your energy consciousness and in a few quick steps you will be able to see, feel and SET your energy like never before.
1. How do you feel when you are in a great mood?
2. How do you feel when you are stressed out?
3. How do you react to stressful situations when you are in a great mood?
4. How do you react to stressful situations when you are overwhelmed?
5. How do your feelings and reactions change when you are tired?
NEGATIVE ENERGY: pessimistic, lethargic, unhappy, agitated, insecure, fearful, resentful, narrow minded, frustrated, anxious . . .
POSITIVE ENERGY: optimistic, energetic, happy, composed, confident, courageous, appreciative, open minded, content, relaxed . . .
How would your life be different, if even when you are at the height of stress, all of your radiating energy was positively radiant? If you were an observer instead of participant in every conversation you have or in everything you do, how would you view your behavior or the way you speak? If energy = attitude = actions, what kind of energy would you create? One of the challenges we face today is that high stress at a fast pace causes us to live reactively. Negative energy is reactive. Positive energy is proactive. RELAX. SET. GO. gives you the break you need to stop before you think, to think before you act and to always act with positive energy and a winning attitude. Get ready to SET . . .
Tuesday, December 8, 2009
Out With The Old. In With The New
RELAX. SET. GO. shifts mindset from the subconscious to the conscious, breaks the negative patterns of narrative conditioning and builds the positive ones. What is your mindset? Do you “believe it when you see it,” or do you “see it when you believe it?” Conscious mindset allows you to choose your energy, write your narrative and go for everything you set your mind to.
The past is the past so it is only present if you take it with you. In the past, if waking up to a rainy day made you tired, leave it behind and SET anew. In the past, if you thought you couldn't change the way you felt, or felt you couldn’t succeed at something, leave it behind and SET anew. It’s really up to you. What you take with you, or start anew, is best to begin with a deep, purposeful pause.
RELAX and stop what you are doing. Really stop. Breathe slowly and deeply until you feel a sense of calm and balance. If it helps, visualize a light switch and turn off any remaining noise in your mind. No distractions or spinning allowed.
SET your personal energy. To do this, literally choose to project positive energy. If it helps, visualize positive energy filling your body with each deep breath and negative energy leaving your body with each exhale. Do this until all of the negative is out and gone. Use your breathing to pump up the positive energy until you feel it in a heightened state. At this point, you may be able to visualize your energy as a color or symbol (like a ping or swirl of light). When you do, mark it and make an indelible imprint in your mind. If you can’t mark it with a visual, then mark it with a physical symbol. Fold your hands together, open your palms to the sky, or gently squeeze your fingers. This mark will become your trigger for instantaneous energy engagement. Whenever I need to pump up my positive energy, I simply look for something orange. It triggers a powerful quick step to success and it works every time.
SET your personal narrative. Make it positive, fill it with inspiration and say it with conviction. It can be as simple as “today is going to be an excellent day,” or “I can accomplish anything I set my mind to.“ It can be as specific as “I am going to break a new piece of business today.” A healthy dose of positive affirmation sets you on course to GO for anything and everything you desire. It also strengthens your personal energy output. Remember, energy is a boomerang. The people around you may not know the narrative you tell yourself but they will begin to react to it based on the very positive energy you project. And that alone can begin the transformation to a truly remarkable life.
Tuesday, December 15, 2009
Turning On Your Positive Energy
Athletes use positive mental attitude (PMA) before a practice or competition. They channel, as individuals and as a team, a winning attitude where failure isn’t an option. They set their energy and reinforce it by directing their narrative to a very specific outcome: to win. Then they usually mark it with a physical action and a loud, affirmative call out like “Let’s go.” That marker solidifies the energy/narrative and puts it into unwavering action.
Actors are trained to utilize energy at will. They regularly get into character by channeling the emotional energy of a past experience that they can then put into motion. And, it has long been a technique of fashion photographers to verbally encourage models to think, feel and project a certain mood in order to get the desired result. Business executives pump themselves up with confidence in order to overcome fear and to focus on success. And, life in general has pushed each and every one of us to embrace strength in order to overcome obstacles, be they large or small. If you have ever said “I can do this,” you have set your narrative to the positive. If you said it with conviction, you strengthened your personal energy and potential outcome.
Whether practiced as such or not, snapping into positive energy always has the common thread of RELAX. SET. GO. The best results always start when you RELAX and rid yourself of negative distraction. When you are calm and clear, there are no barriers to how you SET your positive energy and narrative. And once set, you are always ready to GO for whatever outcome you desire.
Thursday, December 17, 2009
Slow Down . . . You Move Too Fast
How often do you feel groovy just walking down the street or getting to where you need to go? If you’re anything like me, you rarely even think of how you feel because you’re too busy thinking about what you have to do. I barely saw the world around me because I was moving so fast that my mind was always on the destination instead of the drive. I never put my foot on the break.
Full speed ahead may be an engine of productivity but taking even a minute to relax and enjoy the world around you is the fuel that feeds the soul. You don’t have to be on a snow capped mountain to stop and appreciate the beauty of life. There are “wow” moments and hidden treasures everywhere. You just have to slow down long enough to see them.
It happened for me when I started playing walking games with my son; kind of like the car games we would play as kids to make the time go by (now kids just watch videos in the car!). Little kids walk painfully slow which forces you to slow down, too. I thought the games would make the walk seem faster for me and be educational for my son but the opposite turned out to be true. I was the one getting the education and my son was the one passing the time.
It started by picking a different color for each day. During our walks, we had to call out everything we saw in that color. Kids have a fine radar for noticing things that adults take for granted and generally overlook entirely. Kids see things that we are closed off to and they are curious about everything. With the help of my son, I began to see things that I never noticed before and in the magic of the moment, my world went from flat to 3 dimensional, from grayscale to high definition color.
When my son picked purple, I didn’t think we would find much if anything, but we found a ton of stuff . . . A purple bike, a purple flower, the color purple in a flag, a purple flyer on a sign post . . . I saw incredible detail and I saw the picturesque landscape of the neighborhood I lived in for 10 years but never fully appreciated or realized. We had so much fun playing the color game that we switched it up and added different games to play along the way. Each day presented a new discovery and what were once tedious walks became whimsical adventures. What hidden treasures will you discover today?
Monday, December 21, 2009
The Little Things Mean A Lot And They Can Do Even More
SNAPSHOTS
Snapshots are mental pictures of experiences that make you feel good. They become the happy memories that leave an imprint and can instantly make you feel lucky in life. If you can take and file even one snapshot a day, then you are truly gifted with a beautiful life. When you provide the snapshot for someone else, you become part of something even bigger. What snapshot will you take today? What snapshot will you give to someone else?
Tuesday, December 22, 2009
Ten RELAX. SET. GO. Rules To Relish
1. Embrace the cause for pause.
TIP: The reason to relax and pause may be obvious but by telling yourself why you need it, you not only give yourself permission to take a break, you set the stage for success.
2. Let the force be with you.
TIP: Identifying your personal energy and whether it needs to be redirected to the positive will validate where you need to go and empower you to get there.
3. Stop what you are doing. Really stop.
TIP: Find a focal point or close your eyes to keep yourself free from distraction. This will help to relax your mind and ease the tension. It only takes a minute to relax and pause, so please take the time. If you can’t physically stop, you can still actively pause. External motion doesn’t have to hinder internal process.
4. Breathe slowly and deeply.
TIP: Focused breathing will get you centered and help you stay that way. Imagine that you are cleansing your body by breathing in pure oxygen and breathing out the toxins. Your heart rate will seem to slow down and you will experience a significant sense of balance and renewal.
5. Turn off the noise in your mind.
TIP: Slow your thoughts so that you decide which come in, which stay, and which go out. The light switch visual always helps to turn off the negative chatter and to turn on the positive narrative.
6. Pump up your personal energy.
TIP: Negative energy has no place in your world. Push it out and snap into a positive state. Then pump some power into the positive. Heightened energy doesn’t mean hyper energy. It is focused, clear and strong, just like you.
7. Talk to yourself.
TIP: Write your narrative. This is the time for strong affirmations and enthusiastic pep talks that have a well defined outcome. Be the king of the world, control the chaos, laugh at adversity, find peace and tranquility, embrace everything good. Always create an unwavering and optimistic success story in which your energy and actions are met with positive results.
8. Get into the groove.
TIP: You will feel the shift in your energy and attitude. You will realize how truly great you can feel in the matter of a minute. Relish it. Surround yourself in it and share it with the universe.
9. Mark it and keep it in motion.
TIP: Make your transformation stick with a symbolic marker. Stretch, stretch loudly, spin in your chair, clench a fist, color your energy, punch the sky or simply smile to yourself. You will stay the course long after you break the pause.
10. Appreciate empowerment
TIP: You are entitled to an excellent life, not to a life of entitlement. Always give thanks and always be grateful for your ability to seize the best in life.
Monday, December 28, 2009
Two Wolves
TWO WOLVES
One evening an old Cherokee told his grandson about a battle that goes on inside people. He said, "My son, the battle is between two wolves inside us all.
"One is Evil - It is anger, envy, jealousy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, and ego."
"The other is Good - It is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion and faith."
The grandson thought about it for a minute and then asked his grandfather: "Which wolf wins?" The old Cherokee simply replied, "The one you feed."
Tuesday, December 29, 2009
Introducing The 10 Power Pauses
The 10 Power Pauses provide texture to the fabric of RELAX. SET. GO. They will get you through anything and everything. They give definition to the different reasons to pause and they help to set the narrative for where you want to go. They are meant to direct, never to dictate. As they post over the next week or so, you may gravitate to one or all, or you may create your very own power pauses. As you get more comfortable and see what works best, your personal style of RELAX. SET. GO. will emerge. And that’s the point. The more it becomes your own, the better it will work for you. The better it works, the more you will prosper in every positive way possible.
Power Pause #1: The Stop the Madness Pause
Outcome: You’re sanity will be resurrected and restored
This pause is probably the most commonly needed and will likely be the most widely used of all the pauses. It is the fastest remedy for overload and crisis mode. It restores composure, instills harmony and puts things into proper perspective which is why it can also be described as the meditative pause. It has so many benefits and can center you even in the most critically off balance situation. If you have them, a few extra relax and pause minutes will quadruple in value and may be needed to return to what you are doing with a clear and peaceful mindset. While you are pausing, remember that no matter how stressful the situation, no matter how tight the deadline, no matter how heavy the pressure, no matter how full the plate, you have the power to control the chaos and to never allow it control you. Even if it means letting go of some things, let them go. If it means compromising on others, then compromise. You can’t control everything but you can control how you see things and how you react to them. See them and react to them with positive energy and a great attitude and you will be amazed by how much you can actually manage on that very full and seemingly unmanageable plate.
Thursday, December 31, 2009
The Superpower Pause
Power Pause #2: The Superpower Pause
Outcome: You’ll feel like Superman
The Superpower Pause (TSP) can change everything. It is a fear buster and an esteem builder that will take you from an “I can’t” to an “I will” attitude in an instant . . . and it will make you feel like you can do anything. There is enormous benefit to that. To start, you will see a huge difference in how you approach the world and you will feel totally empowered to go, go, go!
TSP relies heavily on all of the RELAX. SET. GO. rules to relish (12/22 post) because you want to be in a heightened state during and after the pause. It will fuel a magnetic verve and confidence so powerful that you will be excited in the face of challenge and impenetrable to the threat of fear. This is not about reckless entitlement or manic delusion; it’s about believing in yourself and breaking down any and all self imposed barriers. Once you decide to bust through the walls, nothing will hold you back.
Triumph is in the power of your narrative, your energy, and the passionate belief that anything is possible and everything is in your reach. There can be no doubt. Doubt is simply a rationalization for negativity and fear. Destroy it and be steadfast in your mission. When you need to put on the superpower suit, put it on and leave the alter ego behind!
I started using TSP before everyday things like business meetings, sales presentations, dealing with difficult clients, or whenever I wanted a particular situation to go a certain way. I had such great results that even when things didn’t go exactly as I planned, I didn’t feel the dissatisfaction I had in the past. I was able to shrug it off and to move on, confident in my position and of my future success. With TSP, failure is not an option and negativity never wins.
Saturday, January 2, 2010
The Active Pause. The Passive Pause.
Power Pause #3: The Active Pause
Outcome: They’ll want to know your secret
There will be times when you can’t stop everything but still need to relax and pause in order to set and go. A paradox, yes, impossible to do; not at all. As a matter of fact, one of the best times to pause is when you are by yourself but still in motion. You can also pause around other people without anyone even noticing (I‘ve done this in meetings, waiting in line, during a conversation; pretty much whenever necessary). For the most part, this can also be described as the partial pause, fully realized. It can even become your all purpose pause. I say this because the more you realize your pause potential, the easier it will be to reboot your personal energy and to redirect your mindset. Think of it as RELAX. SET. GO. on the go.
Power Pause #4: The Passive Pause
Outcome: Doing nothing never felt so good
This is the pause that allows you to do nothing. Stop what you’re doing, shut down the noise in your mind, shut out the noise around you and don’t do anything. Don’t think about the narrative. Don’t think about the outcome. Don’t think about anything. Just relax and give yourself a break. You not only deserve it, you need it. If you can let everything go, then you have accomplished a lot without doing anything at all! That is irony to embrace. This can also be described as the aahhhh pause because relief is exactly what it promises and delivers. Indulge yourself in some guilt free downtime and by all means, take more than a minute for this one!
Friday, January 8, 2010
The Push Yourself Pause
Power Pause #5: The Push Yourself Pause
Outcome: You’ll get it done and feel great doing it.
Also known as the stamina or get-up-and-do-it pause, this pause is especially useful when you are exhausted, apathetic, or personally paralyzed for any reason. It’s a procrastination buster, energy booster and rationalization reverser. It will get you out of bed and into action; give you the energy to persist and the drive to do more; unlock the safety latch and get you out of your comfort zone; turn “intend to do” or “should do” into “must do,” and . . . give you a winner’s advantage that will see you through whatever you push yourself to accomplish. Get ready to GO because there is no opt out option once you put the push yourself pause in motion. Bottom line: If you have spent more time thinking about it then it would actually take to do it, then this pause is for you.
Since the push yourself pause is generally used to carry out a task that is right in front of you (the endless inbox) and even more often to tackle one or more of the monkeys on your back (projects, reports, filing taxes), strong visualization with very specific narrative gets the best result. You have to visualize yourself doing the task, very specifically and most importantly, completing the task. The narrative is what you make it but it should be meant to meet the goal with ease and enthusiasm. Once you do this, the burden will lift and so will any anxiety you have attached to the task. The push may not turn to pure pleasure but the accomplishment most certainly will.
Monday, January 11, 2010
The Put It In The Drawer Pause
Power Pause #6: The Put It In the Drawer Pause
Outcome: Your impulses will be proactive instead of reactive.
There may be times when you rush through an email and hit ‘send’ only to find a senseless mistake later on, or that you hit ‘reply to all’ when you meant to send to only one person. You may react to an emotionally charged situation in the heat of the moment only to regret it later or a bad decision will be made in order to close a discussion. The put it in the drawer pause is meant to give you time to think before you act and time to review your actions before there are no options. It can also be described as the patience pause because patience is precisely what it takes. So, take a deep breath and use this pause as a way to catch yourself from reacting impulsively or emotionally. The metaphor of putting it in the drawer is a useful one because you can use the imagery for just about anything. You put it on hold by putting it in the drawer. How long it stays there is up to you. It may be there for a few moments or a few days. In the end, you may not change a thing but the pause will ease the pressure of urgency and avoid potential headaches or back tracking in the long run.
Wednesday, January 13, 2010
The Imagination Restoration Pause
Power Pause #7: The Imagination Restoration Pause
Outcome: You’ll exercise your creative muscles.
This can also be described as the open minded pause or the brilliant brainstorming pause. It is similar to a meditative pause because it’s more about relaxing and letting go than it is about setting the narrative. A constant barrage of deadlines and obligations can put anyone in a creative rut and keep them there. If you are stuck on a problem that needs an innovative solution or just want to feel the rush of new ideas, pause to clear your mind and send your intention out to the universe. The more open your mind, the more you will be able to let your imagination run wild. You may even be surprised by the original and inventive thoughts that start to dance in your head and you may even have a creative epiphany. One thing is for sure. Creativity is like a muscle that has to be exercised. The more you practice this pause, the more you will feed your imagination, inspire new ideas and get your creative juices flowing. Do this pause every day. Imagination adds wonder to life and life can be so fascinating when seen through a visionary’s eye.
Wednesday, January 20, 2010
The Willpower Pause
Power Pause #8: The Willpower Pause
Outcome: You’ll crave the reward of saying No to temptation.
This can also be described as the self control or the moderation pause. It provides a useful way to manage unnecessary time busting soft additions like watching too much TV, playing too many video games or endlessly surfing the internet. No one is happy when a beloved pastime turns into a perpetual pitfall or prolific procrastination (four-deck spider solitaire is my favored way to waste valuable time).
It’s true . . . everyone needs to exercise a little willpower now and then. An effective method is to give yourself firm deadlines and time limits but to also assess the consequence of choosing the immediate gratification of self indulgence over something that could be more productive and meaningful in the long run. While you pause, ask yourself if you really can’t live without playing that extra game, watching that TV show, or eating those cookies. What will you gain or lose? Or better yet, what will you lament over later? What else could you do? Will regret ultimately tip the scale of reward? Will you feel better, worse or indifferent if you waste more time or give into self destructive urges? If you do give into your urges, be sure not give into the guilt by giving up completely. You have the choice to make it your downfall or to make it a moment. Make it a moment and move on. The willpower pause puts you in control of your self control and beats temptation. It can be a game changer if you let it. And if you let it, you'll win every time.
Sunday, January 24, 2010
The Pity Party Pause
Power Pause #9: The Pity Party Pause
Outcome: You’ll turn lemons into lemonade.
This can also be called the move on pause. It gives you the time to wallow and the strength to shake it off. For people who crave more time, a big regret is wasted time. I’m not saying that there’s no value in self pity. Every emotion contributes to who we are, how we see things and to the lessons we learn about life. However, these emotions can take over and that isn’t useful for anyone. So, practice your RELAX. SET. GO. rules to relish (12/22/09 post), all of them with this one, and set a time limit to feeling sorry for yourself.
So much of what seems monumental in the present becomes insignificant in the past. The most important thing is that you don’t let yourself feel insignificant. There are a thousand clichés to describe this . . .“don’t sweat the small stuff,” “hindsight is 20/20 vision,” “don’t make a mountain out of a molehill,” “every cloud has a silver lining,” “this too shall pass,“ “that which does not kill me only makes me stronger,” “it‘s my party and I‘ll cry if I want to . . .” I could go on and on. It is your party and cry if you want to but don‘t cry too long because if you do, rest assured you will be crying by yourself.
Self pity can be a complicated mix of episodic emotions; sadness, anger, frustration, desperation, doubt, loathing, heartache, loneliness and despair. In the height of it, feeling the victim is common. It’s also common to want to control the situation in order to restore happiness. Let’s face it, self pity is usually about the things you can’t control (like the past). Obsessing or as I call it, “spinning in place” over resolution, understanding or retribution is natural but unfortunately, it brings little consolation.
When you can’t control the situation (even if you are somewhat culpable), then comfort will only come when you find a way to cope and begin to move on. Self pity is mostly a one-sided relationship (that’s why they call it “self” pity). No matter how much you might want things to be different, the best thing to change is the focus of your own emotional state. So have your pity party (you do deserve it) but always make sure you can get out of the trenches. So much of life is about relationships. What relationship are you going to have with your emotional pain? Are you going to let it hold you captive while life passes you by or are you going to confront and conquer?
They say “the best way out of the tunnel is through.” I also like the cliché, “the best revenge is a good life.“ Take revenge on your dark emotions, not on what you think controls them. You’ll emerge the victor; a better and happier you. Karma and the universe will take care of the rest.
Friday, January 29, 2010
The Love Pause
Power Pause #10: The Love Pause
Outcome: Your love really will conquer all.
This is the greatest pause of all. It can also be described as the appreciation pause and can be used for just about any reason. It is physical, spiritual and emotional. It will make you feel lucky. It will show you beauty in even the smallest things. It will turn a bad day to good. It will fill your life with light and gratitude. It will heal your soul. It will lead you and nurture others. It will keep you in love and loving life.
Whether it’s with a person, a purpose, anyone or anything, sometimes love really is all you need. Everyone should pause at least once a day for love. Love your friends. Love your family. Love your neighbors. Love your enemies. Love yourself. Love your life. RELAX. SET. LOVE. When you pause, take your thoughts wherever you need to go in order to feel it. When you do, wrap yourself in it and blanket your world with your very own love vibe. You’ll build a life force of positive energy and good spiritual karma. Things won’t just seem better, they’ll be better.
Pause to feel the love everyday and pause to show it. It is the best and most powerful energy boomerang you can throw out there and it can be so simple. Our friend Vincent, a high level NYPD detective who has worked homicide and seen the worst evil you can imagine, likes to send my very loving husband text messages that say little things like: answer your phone and hug your wife today. I love Vincent for that and I especially love those random hugs. They feel really good, for everyone.
When we got married, the priest told us the secret to a successful marriage is to say “I Love You,” every day. “Don’t just to say it“ he said, “mean it. Remind yourself where that love comes from and it will be real.” A Fortune 500 company CEO told me that a key to his 50 year marriage was holding hands with his wife. A friend who is an early elementary school head master told me that when kids fight, she breaks the pattern by making them say something nice about each other before they are allowed to do their tattling. She’s promoting the love pause and teaching kids tolerance and compassion in the midst of anger and frustration. This would probably serve adults even better. Og Mandino* (one of my favorite motivational coaches) knows that. He taught me and millions of others that the simple words and belief "I will greet this day with love in my heart” can change everything. It’s all about the energy and the narrative you create.
Whenever you take the time to RELAX. SET. GO. interject the love pause. Your positive energy will be even stronger when it’s enhanced by your love vibe. If you set your mind to it, that vibe will last all day and be felt by the people around you. With time, the love vibe will become your essential energy and your overall energy essence. That’s a good thing because it not only makes life better, it makes life easier. You might find yourself saying good morning to a stranger you pass on the street, smiling a lot more or walking with a lighter step. You will definitely find yourself less stressed and less bothered by any negativity you encounter. When you approach life with a love vibe, people feel your warmth and genuine interest. It shows that you care about yourself and others and that you will never let hate dominate.
And when negativity does threaten your good nature, use the love pause to deflect it. Whether you’re in a confrontation or trying to fend off frustration, just pause and turn all of your energy into the love vibe. During your pause, silently tell yourself, “I have only love to give and will respond to love in return. Negativity has no place here and no power over me. It will not get the best of me, even when I’m at the mercy of people who throw it at me like confetti.” If you are dealing with a demeaning boss or difficult client, silently greet them with love and understanding. If you find yourself frustrated by overseas customer service or an encounter with a belligerent taxi driver, just pause and send them your love vibe. Say it to yourself about anyone and anything. “I love you and you will love me.” It may not always work to your full advantage, but more often than not, your love and the energy you project will disarm your opponent and improve the outcome.
Love is pure and good, and good does prevail, even if it isn’t on your desired timetable. Life isn’t always fair and fair isn’t always pleasant. This is why a loving attitude is all the more important. Love will guide the way and get you through situational and emotional hardship. Even when you lose, you win because the love pause teaches you to love without condition and to walk away from the negative without becoming negative yourself. No matter how painful the present, love will give you confidence in a better future. A better future is what each of the 10 Power Pauses brings to you. Each wondrous result adds to the remarkably magnificent snowball effect of RELAX. SET. GO. You will feel the lasting transformation to living life in the positive and will be able to snap into that energy even when you falter. The power is yours. The future is yours and you really can change it in an instant. You will be astonished over and over again, by what you can accomplish when you simply allow yourself to RELAX. SET. GO.
* Og Mandino’s book, The Greatest Salesman In the World set me on course for my own personal transformation nearly 13 years ago. It’s a must read and a must do for anyone looking to change their outlook and their life.
Wednesday, February 3, 2010
Sleepwalk Domination
By putting the quick step RELAX. SET. GO. principles into action, it’s easy to see how a minute is all you need to reboot, redirect and revitalize your spirit. Heightened awareness feels great and best of all, it gives you a piece of your life back. It’s like being woken up from a restless trance that keeps you on the treadmill but keeps you from the treasure of what matters most. I’m not saying that the world exists as a walking, talking zombie nation. It’s more accurate to say that we are living among a sleepwalk domination. Remember, “. . . time to make the donuts?” Most maxed-out people aren’t even aware of their own surroundings and how they conduct their lives. They have switched on the auto pilot and live in an endless loop of redundancy; same stuff, different day. They sleepwalk through life in a haze of craze, distracted and self absorbed in the rollercoaster of their own preoccupation. Sleepwalkers are usually oversensitive to pressure and desensitized to pleasure. They don’t see what they miss as life zooms by and they may never realize that their days are full but their years are empty.
Sleepwalkers are more likely to feel depressed and to subconsciously perpetuate their own negativity. They play the blame game of “I don’t have a choice” and millions turn to anti-depressants in an effort to become numb to stress and hip to happiness. Anti-depressants cut the edge which is extremely helpful in managing stress but too often they dull the senses as well. What does happiness feel like when everything is neutralized? Tranquility shouldn’t have to come at the cost of actually feeling things. We need to become sensitive to being so desensitized. The world doesn’t exist in grayscale. It is full of vibrant colors and rich detail but sleepwalkers are so accustomed to tunnel vision that they tend to be tuned out and the color in their world tends to be washed out. RELAX. SET. GO. wakes you up, keeps you up, and opens up opportunity at every path.
Friday, February 12, 2010
Checking In From DAC
I thought it would be a good time to write a personal note; namely to give a brief overview of what makes RELAX. SET. GO. (RSG) stand out in the sea of self help cure-alls and to give an idea of what to expect from the site moving forward.
First, let me throw an elephant into the room. I’m not a doctor, Fortune 500 CEO, accredited motivational guru, Ivy league educator or celebrity of any sort. So, how did I come up with RELAX. SET. GO. and why am I qualified to share it with you? Well, I say that the fact that I’m not a traditional self help arbiter is exactly why RSG is so different and so relevant. It doesn’t come from a text book, a doctor’s couch or a lecturer’s pulpit. It comes from real life experience; from someone who has been there and who understands the difference between what most chronically stressed people know they should do and what they feel in their immediate position that they can do. I know the potential pitfalls of days where being down feels easier than rising up but I also know how great rising up feels in the wake of being down.
I spent many years seeking the key to happiness and learned a lot of valuable lessons along the way. The thing that always stopped my progress was the demand for dramatic change and the heavy load of self help ideology. I would get a rush of enthusiasm as I saw the possibilities but nearly always become discouraged if I wasn’t able to meet every criterion of the program. Truth be told, I rarely read a self help book from cover to cover. I adopted the theory but it just took too much effort to immerse myself in the process. It took a while but I finally realized that it’s not the self help program in it’s entirety that makes it a success, it’s what you take away to improve life both now and for the future. Like most courses in life, it’s the take-away that matters most. And, for most time pressed and overburdened overachievers, the take-away is just about all anyone has time to digest and act upon.
The beauty of RSG is that it took years to discover but only one minute to apply. The quick step platform is the ultimate take-away; the Cliff’s Notes to self improvement and personal fulfillment. RSG is an emergent mix of human nature, behavioral patterns, energy output, brain science, physical health, spirituality, meditation and the realities of everyday life. The stand out is that it removes the rhetorical psycho-babble and infuses common sense that can be utilized in an instant or better yet, in a constant. And the “in an instant” part is so important because the reality is that everyone needs to reboot and redirect from time to time; not over a long walk or a week’s vacation, but in the moment when it’s needed most. RELAX. SET. GO. is there in the pinch and better yet, it doesn’t just change your moment, it changes your potential.
A separate note on what's to come . . . I think the best move forward is to give some definition to what you can expect from RSG on a weekly basis. My mission is to post when it makes sense, not to make senseless postings just to fill space. With this, you can expect a RSG platform post at the beginning of the week as well as additional sidebar information (polls, quotes, links) and an occasional editorial post from me during the week. I am also working on getting the blog onto a larger website so that it doesn't require so much scrolling!
Thanks for staying with me through this long post . . . I really appreciate the time you put into the site and the encouragement I am getting along the way. Have a great weekend and a Very Happy Valentine's Day.
Tuesday, February 16, 2010
Upgrade Doesn’t Always Mean Advantage
Technology is a modern paradox. As it advances, it simplifies. As it simplifies, it complicates. There’s an “app” for everything but that doesn’t always mean it’s a good thing. Tech culture means more options but it also means more layers and that means more time. There are few excuses with technology. You can always be on call and on top of any issue. As the scope of what can be done becomes more and more limitless, so does the expectation of what we can accomplish.
In many ways technology has created a do-it-yourself, everyone can-be-an-expert at almost anything world. Just consider all of the things you can do with digital pictures. You can post them, edit them, rate them, tag them, print them, send them, write on them, put them in a slide show, burn a disc, make a movie, add music and customize virtually any product with them. So why is it that most photos sit in a big hard drive mess?!
It shouldn’t be that way because with technology today, you can meticulously manage your life. There is a chart, graph or file to organize just about anything. No pressure. It’s so easy that it should take no time at all which is exactly what most people have: no time at all. What’s crazy is that we really start to believe that we do have the time to do everything simply because everything is at our fingertips. The chart may be there in an instant but we forget that the time it takes to enter the information can be endless. It’s a cultural distortion that creates unrealistic expectations and undue pressure for everyone. Enter multitasking: the be all way to do it all.
The real truth about multitasking is that it’s a skill that is widely misunderstood. A skilled multitasker can manage more than one task at a time by successfully shifting attention back and forth so adeptly that focus is never compromised by distraction. They can tune in and tune out. Most people, however, split instead of shift. When they tune into one thing, they find it difficult to tune out the distraction of the other. As a result, tasks are disadvantaged and take even more time to complete.
Quantity is not quality so, if you fall in the latter category of multitasker then you need to decide which is more important. Sometimes getting more done without an eye for perfection is the right way to go. Sometimes quality counts and it is in your best interest to give full focus to one thing at a time. The challenge becomes knowing the difference and giving yourself the flexibility to prioritize between the two. Most of us, especially over-achievers, inherently set the bar high and put the expectation on ourselves to produce quantity and quality 100% of the time. When you add this to a high task volume and overlap it with the need for speed, you have a recipe for mental and physical burn out. Everyone needs to RELAX. SET. GO.
Tuesday, February 23, 2010
The Cumulative Effect
The great thing about energy is that it’s fluid. It can run high, low, positive, negative, and even passive. Our energy changes based on the situation at hand, our perspective of it and our physical condition at the time. The cumulative effect is the buildup of emotions and attitudes based on long term repetition that affects our reaction to different circumstances. A negative reaction can occur at different times for different people but it happens pretty much for everyone. When it does happen, it can be responsible for some of the most misunderstood behavior. Many consider it the proverbial straw that breaks the camel’s back.
It’s not that a reasonable person is suddenly prone to anger just because someone else does something that irks them (like never closing a drawer), or that the idea of a 12 hour work day makes an otherwise ambitious person want to curl up and stay in bed. It is the cumulative effect of dealing with issues, over and over again and on top of each other, that makes them so stressful or simply intolerable. You may be able to take things one day at a time but the days add up and so does the impact. That’s the cumulative effect. It puts emotional weight on the stressors, and that leaves too little time to nurture the things that really matter.
We’re talking about burn out, here and it hurts because it tends to singe every part of life. Don’t let it happen. Look, the great thing about anything negative is that the opposite end is positive. That end is very much in reach, every day, all of the time.
Even if you don’t think you can change your life or the stressors in it, you can change your mindset. This is exactly what RELAX. SET. GO. is all about . . . and it is life changing. The idea is to create a new level of engagement: tolerance, indifference, gratification, or whatever feels best. This depends on the energy you assign and the behavioral pattern you either follow or decide to break. Identify the cumulative stressors (or irritants) and make a decision about them. Mark each one with a mindset that will help you manage it and change your perspective to one that works for you, not against you. Make that mark (chosen mindset) your trigger for success and think about this: also identify the cumulative positives in your life and give them a little well deserved recognition, too. Just like the negatives that add up to the weight of the world, there are likely as many or more positives that should lighten the load. If you have the choice, and you do, always choose the positive. Because the truth is that the cumulative effect is very likely to become the constant condition and when it does, you want it to be a good one.
Friday, February 26, 2010
A Note About My Education
I like to say I'm a work in progress . . . always looking to gain and grow from life experience. I used to let life's challenges get in my way and too often, get me down. Now, I can say that I pretty much feel lucky all the time and consider myself a successfully reformed life struggler. I always strive to focus on the positive and to break any pattern that will sabotage the ideal possibilities.
RELAX. SET. GO. is my daily mantra and the great thing is that I can use it for just about anything; even to reflect on lessons I've learned during my ongoing education. Here are five that I was thinking about yesterday:
1) The need for honest self reflection
(you can’t change what you don’t recognize)
2) Everyone has a right to empowerment
(no one has the right to tell you how far you can or cannot reach)
3) Human nature is consistent
(we are all much more alike than we are different)
4) Changing your life in order to reshape your mindset is hard to do
(changing your mindsetorder to reshape your life is much easier
and far more rewarding)
5) Perspective is reality
(when you begin to see the world differently, you’ll react differently
to the world around you)
Have a great weekend . . . still snowing in NYC . . . enjoy!
DAC aka Denise
Wednesday, March 3, 2010
The Energy Around You
Have you ever walked into a room and felt a jolt of energy, or the opposite, where you walk in and the room feels heavy and stale? Does it ever happen that you meet someone who you immediately like, or dislike? Have you ever been in a situation where everything seems to go right, or where nothing seems to happen at all? There is an energy to every place, person and situation. There are ebbs and flows, chain reactions and even sparks of spontaneous combustion. It is indefinable yet undeniable. It is the energy around you. You might not always be able to control it but your personal energy can influence it, and even change the experiential outcome. This is energy engagement and it is a very real sixth sense ability that we all have. It’s not mind reading or paranormal communication. It’s a mix of awareness and instinct that gives you the ability to gauge and engage the energy of your environment and the people around you. Energy is a boomerang but it will pick up the energy of others on it’s way back to you. So, you want to make sure to invite the positive and deflect the negative. Recognizing the energy around you (listen to your gut) will help to make sure that your boomerang comes back with the positive energy that you send out.
This is critical in the pursuit of happiness because energy is contagious, so you only want to catch the good stuff! I have always been attracted to people who seem naturally wired to see the positive, but admit I wasn‘t always one of them. I got rewired with RELAX. SET. GO. You can, too.
For earlier posts on energy consciousness and how to get yourself rewired, see December 2009 (scroll above):
Identifying Your Personal Energy: What is your personal energy? How is it influenced by the situation or by the way you may physically feel at the time? Are you operating in the negative or in the positive?
Out With The Old. In With The New: Energy = attitude = actions. Energy = mindSET. . . Conscious mindset allows you to choose your energy, write your narrative and go for everything you set your mind to.
Turning On Your Positive Energy: If you think you can’t change your energy in an instant, think again.
Friday, March 12, 2010
A Note From Me (DAC)
Just as I was thinking that my good intention list is gathering dust because life keeps interrupting my to-do expectations, I got some unsolicited support from a friend. He apologized for not responding on a link I sent him (a while ago). Then he revealed that he was eager to read it but was feeling swamped, as usual, because it was sitting within a full screen pile of get-to emails.
I got a good mental visual of what his inbox looks like because it looks a lot like mine and maybe yours, too. He opens, scans, assesses, flags, saves some as new, and adds to the good intention list. Then he responds to what’s urgent which generally leaves no time for anything else. And of course, when the time does come for the good intention list, well, the list just doesn’t feel so good anymore. How could it when it has so much stuff on it?! We are not alone.
When you're feeling this way, a dose of RELAX. SET. GO. will do the trick. Use it to give yourself a break and change your perspective. Remember, it’s a get-to list, not a guilt list. That alone will ease the burden of volume and offer the reward of actually getting to it. There’s a reason for the cliché “if I had a nickel for every time . . . “ If I had a nickel for every time I thought about doing something on my good intention list, I could probably pay someone to do it!
I think a new global goal should be: Pause For Patience. It’s a sad commentary that the immediacy of the email culture has created so much emotional baggage that people feel guilty if they aren‘t quick to respond. And even worse; how sad is it that someone may feel scorned or rejected if they don‘t get that instant response! This weekend, try something new. Turn off the blackberry, don’t check your email and if you do, respond at will. You will like it, you will see.
March 17, 2010
The Good and Bad of the Boomerang Back
The Good and Bad of the Boomerang Back
I want to be careful not to create an expectation that your good, strong energy will always boomerang back with the same promise you sent it out with. The sad truth is that some people are so emotionally shut down that your positive energy may reach them but won’t necessarily rub off on them. That doesn’t mean you should give up trying. There are many personality types and many sides to each personality but personality doesn’t always define energy. Most people present different sides of their personality and different energies depending on mood and circumstance.
Instead of trying to define people in terms of one energy type, it’s helpful to identify the energy they transmit at the time of your encounter. It’s true that most people have an overarching energy essence but energy is also situational and, therefore, pliable. For instance, passive energy can be ramped up or toned down. Anger is also pliable but sadness can be impenetrable. Complainers and victims are rarely receptive to a positive boomerang because they tend to thrive on their own drama and don’t really want to get out of it, no matter how much they say they do or think they do! Toxic energy (we’ll explore this more in an upcoming post) is the most complex because, far beyond simply negative, it is hateful and deceptive.
As you become more conscience of your own energy, you will also become a better judge of the energy around you. You’ll gravitate to the positive and choose the best way to engage with (or walk away from) the negative. And even though energy can change at any time, there are a few things that will always remain constant:
If for some reason you get stuck in the negative: RELAX. SET. GO. . . . laugh, skip, dance and get your cardio cruising. It only takes a minute of doing something off the cuff that will put a smile on your face and good energy in the air.- Negative energy will bring positive energy down but positive energy can always deflect and often diffuse negative energy.
- The snowball effect goes both ways: negativity energy begets negativity energy and positive energy begets positive energy.
- Beware of energy codependency: it is generally counter productive to thrive on someone else’s energy, even when it is positive.
The boomerang always bounces back but can change energies on the return so be prepared for a different comeback, especially when dealing with negative energy.
Misery loves company so always be sure to decline the invitation.
The only antidote to toxic energy is self preservation. Keep your energy positive at all times.
March 24, 2010
Energy Entrapment
It’s not that anyone sets out to be toxic. Many people don’t even know they’re toxic. They only see themselves so they don’t see the harm they do to others. They think they’re genuinely good which makes them all the more complicated. Most are driven by the need for power and adulation which is just a poor and often abused cover for deep seeded insecurity.
Toxic people rarely accept accountability and are hyper sensitive to any criticism, yet they themselves are skilled verbal abusers and smiling back stabbers. They know how to act in order to act in their own best interest. As a matter of fact, some of the most charismatic charmers are toxic to the core. In short, they are cons playing a game that they intend to win . . . at all cost to you and at none to themselves. You know someone like this, don’t you?
Toxic people do not derive their self worth from strength of character, they derive it from the weakness of others. They are cunning recruiters; zealously intoxicating followers who never question or confront. They need these people to feed their ego and to bow to their corrupt power. Toxic people are tireless self promoters who will artfully befriend anyone who can advance their personal agenda. They are ruthless competitors who despise any person and anything they cannot manipulate. They are the “wolf in sheep clothing” and the “snake in the grass.” Their boomerang is disingenuous and their energy is bad.
The sad truth is that toxic people are all around us. Their bad energy can be menacing and emotionally draining. It is poison and the only antidote is YOU. Deflect, deflect, deflect and always keep your energy positive. Choose empowerment over entrapment and do this: Stand up. Walk away. Fight back. Never join. Always defend. Believe in yourself. RELAX. SET. GO.
March 31, 2010
Life is a Metaphor
I never thought of my life as a metaphor or as a series of metaphors until I realized that my personal narrative was in essence driven by a subconscious life metaphor. It was the overarching theme of my mindset. If I could choose my narrative with RSG, then I could also choose my metaphor and live my life as such. So, as I was listening to Tony Robbins talk about the metaphor, I found my own: life is a dance. Like the orange color marker I use to amplify my energy (also compliments of Tony Robbins), I can always count on my metaphor to boost my narrative. In all honesty, when I think of my metaphor, I RELAX immediately because life is a dance makes me feel lucky and light on my feet, regardless of how lousy my lot may be at the time. Add this to my strong positive narrative and I am SET to GO for pretty much anything.
There is no rule that says choose only one, so if you like a little variety, choose a variety of metaphors . . . to use at will and which will always propel you to go for great!
April 17, 2010
Signs
I had intended on starting my posting series on stress but something else has been tugging at me.
RELAX. SET. GO. opens doors because it opens you up to all things possible. It allows you to see the signs and to follow the green lights. In the past, I was so closed up that I walked blindly by open doors and was a master at ignoring signs; good, bad or indifferent. Now, I can’t help but grab hold of them and wonder what they mean, especially the signs I’ve been getting since my first RSG post in late November 2009. Incredible.
While deeply spiritual, I’ve been careful not to impart my faith based values into my RSG posts. I believe that faith is personal and respect all religions. So, I find it ironic that many of the comments I get from readers are about spirituality, and brace yourself . . . about God and the Bible. Signs.
As an adult, I have never read or owned a Bible but I strike up a random conversation with a beautiful woman named Betty and two weeks later she sends me a Bible in the mail. Another sign. . . .
A random facebook connection turns into a discussion about God and the spiritual link to certain RSG values. RSG reconnects me with someone after nearly 30 years and I am awed by his transformation from crazy college kid to insightful theologian. More signs. . .
Within a 3 month period, I attend two funerals for people too young to die and am inspired by each family‘s unwavering faith. I go to Florida and sit next to a woman who starts talking about a man who spoke to Jesus while he was clinically dead for 3 days. On the same trip, I meet with a contractor and learn that not only is he from my home town on Long Island (how random is that?!), but that a religious healer literally saved his life after he received last rights. Signs . . .
I get home and open a video attachment that is about breaking subconscious barriers by thanking the Divine and asking for forgiveness. I get a (once in a blue moon) massage and find out that the masseuse is also studying the balance of energy and the healing powers of Reiki. I remember that my brother is alive because of the power of prayer (after 20 years there is still no medical explanation for his deathbed recovery). For several days in a row, I look at the clock and it is 9:11, an otherwise irregular sign from Brad who died in the south tower. A friend tells me about several freaky coincidences she experienced recently and I am reminded that nothing is by coincidence . . . including signs.
I believe in God and I know someone who truly needs a miracle so I follow the green lights and call the contractor’s healer in Florida. He confirms everything I believe regarding possibilities and I am inspired to pray for a miracle; not in desperation but in the strength. I think of the strength I gain from living in the RSG positive and know that combined with my faith in God it is even more powerful. I will not let the negative seep in and make me feel the fool for believing. Nonetheless, I play the skeptic until I open the mail later that same night. Amid bills and catalogs is an unexpected note from beautiful Betty about hope, new beginnings and prayer. I cannot deny the signs and I am grateful that I can see them. I’m ready for a miracle and I believe it can happen. RELAX. SET. GO.
April 22, 2010
Let the Stress(less) Series Begin!
Bill Clinton, who recently underwent his second heart surgery, realized something was seriously off when he watched himself on TV. "I saw an interview I did with 'Nightline' in Haiti which terrified me," he said, "I looked like I was 185 years old. My color was bad." In addition to a lifetime of bad eating habits, Clinton attributed his condition to poor stress management including a severe lack of sleep.
On the other end of the spectrum is Gertrude Matthews, a 101 year old piano player who I am fortunate to know personally. She is truly amazing so I was thrilled to learn that ABC World News Tonight was doing a profile on her. In the segment, which just aired last night, you will see that doctors believe her music and connection to her listeners has kept her mind and heart in perfect health all these years. Dr. Thomas Perls, who has studied thousands of people over 100 says that Gertrude and so many like her are better at managing stress, are more outgoing and always optimistic, even about aging. Sounds a lot like a RELAX. SET. GO. mindset. He calls Gertrude an “Escaper” because she doesn’t internalize things that are stressful and has totally escaped age related diseases. I can attest that Gertrude is physically fit, active, sharp as a tack and has a better memory than I do. She also has a better wardrobe than anyone I know!
There is so much incredible information about the health related risks created by stress and equally, so much new information about the link between longevity (including memory) and brain fitness (also called brain plasticity). The RSG sidebar post, Remember: chill, says that more lasting memories are likely to form when a person is relaxed . . . or in other words, not stressed. I’m excited to start this series of weekly posts and to demonstrate how RELAX. SET. GO. helps to promote all of the things that promote a healthy outlook and good health.
Gertrude Matthews, ABC World News Tonight: http://abcnews.go.com/WNT/video/music-101-year-woman-healthy-10441060
April 30, 2010
Erosion
Pick up the paper, go online or turn on the news and there is some discussion about how to alleviate stress. Over and over, people are told to work out, take a long walk, leave the office or go out with friends. I grin at the irony that, in offering these sound solutions, they miss the obvious. Yes, the point is to break the pattern and change the focus. But breaking the pattern shouldn’t have to be about making time that you don‘t have. It should be about making use of the time you do have . . . and that is what RELAX. SET. GO. is all about. For people under stress, having the time is everything and they never have it. Even when they know it will help, they feel pressured to make time at the cost of something else, something more urgent, something more important. That in itself causes stress. For people who practice RELAX. SET. GO., having the time is irrelevant because it’s always available and it never comes at a sacrifice.
Stress can be defined as anything that causes emotional, mental or physical strain. That covers a lot of ground: money, work, deadlines, family issues, fatigue, scheduling, the expected, the unexpected, and all of the juggling, juggling, juggling in between. Even good stuff like getting a promotion, getting married or having a baby can cause stress. There are so many day to day contributing factors that people tend to see stress as a part of life and not life threatening. But it is.
Health experts maintain that the majority of all diseases and disorders in the United States are stress related. Think about this: if a person is in overdrive due to stress, so is the body. Stress can contribute to a host of menacing health issues including high blood pressure, hypertension, heart arrhythmia, addiction, depression, anxiety, insomnia, exhaustion, memory loss, mood swings, muscle aches, headaches, hair loss, eating disorders, irritable bowel, constipation, ulcers, adult acne, infertility, impotence and lack of sexual desire.
Most people recognize the emotional pitfalls of stress (which is why so many people medicate for depression and anxiety) but few make the same connection to overall health. In fact, society conditions us to overlook, ignore or tolerate the connection. That’s what makes stress so insidious and the consequences so great. To me, it’s just like beach erosion. You don’t see the day to day destruction until you wake up one morning and the ocean is hitting your back porch. The damage from stress is there, even if you don’t see it right away. RELAX. SET. GO. gets you see to it, manage it and reap the benefit of a balanced life and better health. More to come . . . Less to stress.
May 4, 2010
Chain Reaction
The body is engineered to handle the biochemical back-and-forth shift of short term stress but when stress is chronic, or erratic in intensity, it doesn’t always rebound in the same orderly manner. This is when we are most vulnerable to health risks and, over time, to irreversible organ damage. In order to maintain good health, the body needs the proper time to stabilize and, most importantly, it needs to complete the stabilization process. Chronic stress can keep the body in an abnormal state of hormonal activity. Erratic stress will send the body on a biochemical rollercoaster. Either way, the prolonged strain will result in greater wear and tear on emotional, mental and physical health. Rest assured, wear and tear will wear you down and tear you apart.
The goal is to manage stress, not to eliminate it or to succumb to it. Once you acknowledge the biochemical chain reaction caused by stress, you can use RELAX. SET. GO. to help minimize strain and restore balance. Manage . . . Minimize . . . More to come . . .
May 12, 2010
Question Stress
Almost everything we do, emotional and physical, is affected by stress. To be fair, it’s true that not all stress is bad. Stress that brings about short term, manageable pressure can motivate action, stimulate creativity and set off an adrenaline rush that will make anyone feel great. However, what goes up must come down so as the adrenaline spike balances out, so will that rush of empowerment. As discussed in the last post (Chain Reaction), it’s how and when adrenal levels come down that make all the difference in how much stress a person can manage. And that can make all the difference in the wear and tear on both emotional and physical health.
Everyone has a barometer for stress and how they deal with it. Some people wear it like a badge of honor, ready to conquer and control. Others relinquish every emotion to stress and become totally consumed by it. Some people try to escape the obvious by ignoring stress completely and others see stressors as problems to be solved like items on a To Do list. Regardless of how you or anyone else deals with stress, in order to manage it, you have to recognize it and question it.
How does it affect the way you physically feel?
How does it affect your state of mind?
How does it affect your productivity?
How does it affect your behavior?
How long does it take to rebound from the affects of stress?
What is stress doing to you or more importantly, what is stress robbing from you? Quality of life? Time? Perspective? Clarity? Memory? Sleep? Energy? Optimism? Your health? All of the above . . . and likely even more? RELAX. Take some time and really think about all of this. SET. The narrative you choose will have everything to do with the way you manage stress. GO. How you deal with stress from this day on is up to you!
Over the next several posts, I will discuss common behavioral symptoms that can be caused by stress including: tension headaches, fatigue, restless sleep, tension talk, public display of drama, mini meltdowns, mini breakdowns, inability to focus and memory loss. More to come . . . Less to stress.
May 25, 2010
The Spiraling Effect
If I had a nickel for every time I felt guilty about not doing something, I would be a rich woman.
If I spent have as much time actually doing the things that I spend way too much time thinking about doing, I would be far more productive and have more time on my hands.
If I stopped putting so much pressure on myself to accomplish everything I think I should be doing, I would have a lot less stress in my life and feel a greater sense of accomplishment.
If I had a lot less stress in my life, I would be virtually free from captivity of stress related ailments and admittedly, the occasional spell of out of body bad behavior.
Stress starts the chain reaction but even more so, it begets a vicious cycle. . .a spiraling effect. What should be infrequent becomes every day. What should be forbid becomes tolerated. What should be addressed becomes overlooked. We are hardly to blame but we have no one to blame but ourselves . . . a vicious cycle, indeed! Here are three tell tale signs that the cycle is spiraling into your life.
Restless Sleep: Stress can get into sleep cycles which results in the feeling of not having slept at all. Whether it is insomnia, a restless night of tossing and turning or deep dreams that zap the very energy meant to be replenished, stress will wreak havoc on your ability to get a good night sleep. In addition, teeth grinding, night sweats and snoring are all danger signs that stress is making the body work overtime with no regard to the sleep patterns, especially uninterrupted REM sleep, that are critical to maintaining good health.
Fighting Fatigue: Fatigue and stress are a bad combination. Stress causes fatigue and being tired all of the time escalates the level of stress on any given situation. The more exhausted a person is, the more sleep is needed, yet chronic stress is more likely to result in sleep deprivation. Fatigue affects productivity, the ability to think clearly and to the deftness to act quickly. Studies have shown that sleep deprivation can actually effect drivers in the same manner as being intoxicated.
Tension Headache: Tension headaches happen when the muscle and skeleton around the neck and scalp tighten. They are the most common result of stress and can last hours or days depending on the person. As part of the vicious cycle, tension headaches are often caused by and greatly exacerbated by fatigue. The more tired and stressed you are, the more likely they are to occur and to last. They are rarely debilitating but can temporarily effect fine motor skills, productivity and overall mood, which nonetheless, can feel debilitating!
All of this and more can change but it will take you to break the cycle and end the spiraling effect. As promised, the next several posts will point out more of the tell tale signs that signal the need to reclaim a consistently healthy and treasured quality of life. As for now, if you take just one stressor off your emotional plate, you will begin to see a change. So, RELAX. and think about something that you can stress less about. SET. your mind to making that commitment. And GO. enjoy a full but more manageable plate. I am not going to feel guilty about moving items from today’s To Do list onto tomorrow’s. If it’s not a hard deadline, then I’m going to allow myself the flexibility. What will you allow yourself today? RELAX. SET. GO.
June 2, 2010
Emotional Discord
Tension Talk (TT): This best describes the tone of voice that strikes a sharp, annoyed or condescending chord. Tension Talk is generally associated with impatience, mounting anger and a shift in disposition. Chronic stress can cause everything to tense up which means the tension has to eventually let out in one way or another. Even the kindest people can become callous and argumentative when they reach their limit. Unfortunately, there is a tendency to subject this poor temperament on the people who deserve it the least and who will tolerate it the most. Not only do we hurt the ones we love but we hurt the ones we can.
Public Display of Drama (PDD): Also disruptive is the tendency for people to lose their cool by verbally lashing out in a crude public display of drama. Even when the emotion is justified, the conduct is not. In this scenario, a person will create conflict or react harshly to something that under less stressful circumstances would otherwise be diverted, dealt with or not seen as a problem at all. This unbecoming performance makes everyone uncomfortable and is generally followed by a feeling of intense embarrassment on the part of the dramatist. Stress may cause the drama but common sense knows it went too far. Harboring guilt doesn’t do anything and apologies may do damage control but neither should not be used as a crutch for flare-ups. Like Tension Talk, PDD is easily ignited bad behavior that is hard to excuse, even at the height of stress.
Mini Meltdowns: Mini meltdowns are sudden outbursts of explosive and irrational behavior associated with uncontrollable fits of anger and frustration. They come and go quickly but in their wrath and fury, can leash an assault that leaves an aftermath of emotional devastation. Mini meltdowns are dangerous because they are as extreme in terms of pressure on the body as they are an extreme digression from otherwise normal behavior and character. They are mentally ravaging due to the intensity of rage and can result in painful headaches and total exhaustion if not something more serious like a dangerous spike in blood pressure which can lead to arrhythmia.
Unlike PDD, most people who have mini meltdowns are too self absorbed to take notice and accept accountability. When they do, mini meltdowns can be insensitively mocked and dismissed as periods of temporary insanity, no matter how much damage they have done. Indeed, the outbursts don’t make sense in relation to common sense. They tend to happen most often when someone is on the brink of a situational abyss; impending divorce, job loss, looming financial debt, and any other significant life issues where a person feels victimized and/or completely out of control. If mini meltdowns become even remotely common meltdowns, they should be addressed with a medical professional.
Mini Breakdowns: Where meltdowns are extended outward, breakdowns are driven inward. They are periods where the feeling of not being able to cope and the desire to disengage becomes the governing force. Depression, overarching sadness, hopelessness, desperation, apathy and lethargy become the main emotions that preside over the fate of their captive. And captive is exactly what it feels like. The emotional weight is so heavy that it can paralyze but most people have no choice but to trudge through the day to day until the weight starts to lift. It’s when the breakdown represents prolonged inertia or decline of emotional and physical health, that it must be met with medical attention as soon as possible.
If you have given into any of these emotional pitfalls, even occasionally, both the behavior and the stress need to be addressed. The key as always, is that you can choose how to manage it all and always maintain self control. Whatever you do, don’t beat yourself up if you’ve entered a bad place. The exit door is open, accessible and desirable as long as you RELAX. SET. GO.
June 9, 2010
Distractions and Memory Lapses . . . More Tell Tale Signs
Absent Minded Memory Lapses: Attention and memory are closely connected and they are both huge quality of life issues. It’s frustrating to see productivity decrease and it’s downright scary when you can’t seem to remember a thing or find yourself questioning the things you do remember. This can cause even greater stress because of the doubt and confusion that absent minded memory lapses create. If you are not focusing then you are basically skimming, which is a way of going about daily routines in auto pilot. The less focus, the less likely that even simple information like names or where you put something will not be registered, easily recalled, or even retained in memory at all. It can wreak havoc when you find yourself unable to recall details of a morning meeting or a conversation that you had with someone only a day earlier. Have you ever forgotten something you just reminded yourself to do? If you have ever thought you were losing your mind because you couldn’t remember something, then stress, not diminishing brain capacity, is the likely culprit.
Attention = Retention. Whether it’s positive or negative, the squeaky wheel gets the grease because the squeaky wheel calls for attention. Pay attention to the tell tale signs but don’t wait until their squeak is a shriek! Once you recognize them, you will be able to focus on the important and filter out the irrelevant. RELAX. SET. GO. . .
June 16, 2010
The Heart of Stress is the Brain
Even though people correctly relate stress to the heart, the reality is that the heart of stress is the brain. It’s true. Stress threatens the very thing that makes us think, yet we rarely think about it all. So, think about this: The entire body’s response to stress begins with the brain. So does the ability to manage it.
The brain sets off the chain reaction that sends the stress signal to every other organ in the body. Stress hormones and adrenalines released in the brain trigger shifts in emotion and memory. They also signal the heart to beat faster, the lungs to increase the respiratory rate, and the immune system to become suppressed. They send more blood to vital organs which means less blood for non-vital organs like skin, the gastrointestinal track and stomach. Pretty much everything goes into either overdrive or under-drive. Acute stress sends the body reeling and chronic stress inhibits the body’s ability to balance back from the stress response. Either way, it's not good for your health.
It may not make sense that you can use your brain to tell your brain what to do but that is exactly what RELAX. SET. GO. does. And, managing stress is a big part of it. When you RELAX., you call on the brain to balance. When you SET., you tell the brain to respond in a positive manner. When you GO., you put the response into motion. You connect ‘thought’ to physiology and physiology to stress response. But by doing this you also connect to something much greater. You connect to brain plasticity and brain plasticity connects to everything.
Brain plasticity is the ability of the brain to adapt, to change and to be challenged throughout the duration of our lives. It is the brain’s willingness to fight against gradual deterioration and some say, to foster the idea of the brain’s very own regenerative fountain of youth. The old adage is true, the mind is a terrible thing to waste. Even more true today, it is a terrible thing to waste away because of the mind.
Think of the brain as a robust mound of clay that can either stay moist and pliable or become dry and shrivel up. The plasticity of the clay, or in this case the brain, is the key to maintaining maximum function. You have to work the clay to keep it flexible. The same goes for the brain and keeping it fit and nimble from now through old age is an opportunity of a lifetime. Even if we just scratch the surface of this complex science, brain plasticity opens new doors and new thoughts about staying healthy and aging gracefully. More to come. RELAX. SET. GO.
June 25, 2010
Turn On Your Brain . . . Part I
Brain plasticity, or brain fitness, thrives on stimulation but depends on balance. Complacency, redundancy and everyday routine constrict brain plasticity, but so does the constant beating of over exertion caused by stress and habitually negative influences. You may not be able to control genetics but you can orchestrate how you live. What you put in is what you get out. You have the input so use it!
Use it to nourish your brain. Use it to keep life positive. Use it to teach the brain new tricks. Use it to teach yourself some new tricks. Four brain basics are all you need to chart your course for peak plasticity and pave the path to overall good health. To keep the post on the short side, I deliver them in two parts. Part I:
Brain Balancers
The brain does listen and the squeaky wheel does get the grease, so when chaos starts to take over and things seem to be in overdrive, put an emphasis on balance. Put the emphasis on good energy. Think positively. Think that anything and everything great is possible. Take a minute to RELAX. SET. GO. Tell your brain to slow everything down, especially when you are at the height of stress. Take a deep breath and direct the brain to process, balance and restore. Stay away from the negative. Make a visual for it and push it out the door. Destructive thoughts are just that, especially when they fuel an already stressful situation. If you give them weight, so will the brain and plasticity will bear the burden. Plasticity is pliable. Mold your thoughts . . . Mold your brain. You have your fingers on the clay!
The brain does listen and the squeaky wheel does get the grease, so when chaos starts to take over and things seem to be in overdrive, put an emphasis on balance. Put the emphasis on good energy. Think positively. Think that anything and everything great is possible. Take a minute to RELAX. SET. GO. Tell your brain to slow everything down, especially when you are at the height of stress. Take a deep breath and direct the brain to process, balance and restore. Stay away from the negative. Make a visual for it and push it out the door. Destructive thoughts are just that, especially when they fuel an already stressful situation. If you give them weight, so will the brain and plasticity will bear the burden. Plasticity is pliable. Mold your thoughts . . . Mold your brain. You have your fingers on the clay!
Brain Benders
Brain benders are defined as physical and intellectual dexterity exercises. Dexterity exercises challenge our dominant sides and help break comfort zones. It’s basically doing the opposite of what comes naturally. If you are right handed, try using your left hand instead. Not so easy to do . . . and that’s what makes it so good for the brain. You have to think about it. You have to direct the brain to do something different . . . to be flexible. Learn to play an instrument or a new dance step and you will find the same benefit. Pretty much any physical action that challenges your brain to break a dominant pattern can be considered a brain bender. And the more variety, the better.
The same goes for intellectual dexterity. Crossword puzzles, educational classes, reading, logic games and quizzes all bend the brain to think differently and stay flexible. If you tell the brain you can’t do something, it won’t even try. So push yourself just a little and you will see results. Switch it up when it gets too easy or routine and always keep exercising your right to bend your brain.
Remember, the brain responds to the direction we give it. We should be directing it all the time. Keep it positive. Keep it pliable. RELAX. SET. GO.
June 30, 2010
Turn On Your Brain Part II
The last post introduced Brain Balancers and Brain Benders as 2 of 4 Brain Basics that are needed to chart the course for peak plasticity and pave the path to overall good health. Here are Brain Basics 3 and 4:
Brain Boosters
Physical exercise is necessary to keep the body and brain in top form. Make sure to start the oxygen flowing even if it’s just from walking. Stretching in the morning also helps to wake everything up -- including your brain. Whatever you do, get the blood and endorphins moving! Go to the gym, go for a run, ride a bike, take the stairs, swim. Try yoga which is both meditative and physical and has the added benefit of mentally directing the brain. Competitive sports also do this because the challenge is to be both physically and mentally alert. Exercise is important now and at every life stage. It will keep you physically fit, clear your mind, help you focus and become psychologically therapeutic. It boosts metal processing and can protect the brain from decline in old age. Most people agree that they feel better and perform better when they exercise. Your brain will say the same.
Brain Bolsters
You are what you eat. So take a minute to think about your intake. A balanced diet is a must and more and more research suggests that vitamin supplements are, too. Antioxidants (cleansers that ward off deterioration), omega-3 acids (promote brain development and function), folic acid (blood levels), selenium (mood), complex carbohydrates (function) and vitamins B (function), C and E (antioxidants) can all be found in fresh foods or taken as supplements. Berries, grapes, prunes, spinach, salmon, flaxseed, walnuts, almonds, yogurt, oat bran, garlic and tuna are just some of the many foods that provide one or more brain bolsters. Gingko Biloba (memory) is probably the most commonly known supplement and fish oil high in omega-3 (farm grown, no mercury) is said to be the brain’s best friend -- for life. Feed your body, feed your brain. For more information, check out http://www.lifeextension.com/.
Activity engages brain plasticity and apathy encourages brain atrophy. Complacency turns the brain “off.” New challenges keep it “on.” So, go ahead and challenge the brain with new activity and new ideas. Make exercise a priority and exercise your right to be the best you can be. Direct your thoughts to the positive and keep physical and emotional chaos in perspective through the ability to balance. Provide nourishment and get the opportunity to live life a little larger, a lot happier, and definitely healthier. RELAX. SET. GO.
Brain Boosters
Physical exercise is necessary to keep the body and brain in top form. Make sure to start the oxygen flowing even if it’s just from walking. Stretching in the morning also helps to wake everything up -- including your brain. Whatever you do, get the blood and endorphins moving! Go to the gym, go for a run, ride a bike, take the stairs, swim. Try yoga which is both meditative and physical and has the added benefit of mentally directing the brain. Competitive sports also do this because the challenge is to be both physically and mentally alert. Exercise is important now and at every life stage. It will keep you physically fit, clear your mind, help you focus and become psychologically therapeutic. It boosts metal processing and can protect the brain from decline in old age. Most people agree that they feel better and perform better when they exercise. Your brain will say the same.
Brain Bolsters
You are what you eat. So take a minute to think about your intake. A balanced diet is a must and more and more research suggests that vitamin supplements are, too. Antioxidants (cleansers that ward off deterioration), omega-3 acids (promote brain development and function), folic acid (blood levels), selenium (mood), complex carbohydrates (function) and vitamins B (function), C and E (antioxidants) can all be found in fresh foods or taken as supplements. Berries, grapes, prunes, spinach, salmon, flaxseed, walnuts, almonds, yogurt, oat bran, garlic and tuna are just some of the many foods that provide one or more brain bolsters. Gingko Biloba (memory) is probably the most commonly known supplement and fish oil high in omega-3 (farm grown, no mercury) is said to be the brain’s best friend -- for life. Feed your body, feed your brain. For more information, check out http://www.lifeextension.com/.
Activity engages brain plasticity and apathy encourages brain atrophy. Complacency turns the brain “off.” New challenges keep it “on.” So, go ahead and challenge the brain with new activity and new ideas. Make exercise a priority and exercise your right to be the best you can be. Direct your thoughts to the positive and keep physical and emotional chaos in perspective through the ability to balance. Provide nourishment and get the opportunity to live life a little larger, a lot happier, and definitely healthier. RELAX. SET. GO.
August 20, 2010
Give Yourself a Little RSG
The summer has been a whirlwind of activity. I’m always in motion yet always tuned into the ease and accessibility of Relax. Set. Go. I use RSG a lot and experience more and more how its simplicity is what makes it so prolific, and so potent. The simple tools can take me anywhere I want (or need) to go . . . and it can get me going in an instant.
In the last 24 hours I have used RSG to:
- clean my apartment
- overcome the embarrassment of making a painfully long overdue phone call
- lovingly devote my entire, otherwise productive day to an unexpected family matter
- forgive myself of guilt ridden good intentions
- be patient in light of mounting frustration
- energize my entrepreneurial spirit
- get out of a rut and get things done!
September 8, 2010
Are You In A Busy Rut?
It’s easy to fill a day with busy and busy is easy to justify. It usually means doing a lot of stuff that is necessary but it’s not necessarily what you need to do in order to feel productive about what your doing. And if what you’re doing feels like you’re running in place, then the place you’re in is a Busy Rut.
You can’t walk away from busy but you can bust it up a bit. Don’t make busy your excuse and by all means, don’t make it your epitaph (she was too busy to live). Believe me, busy is a slippery slope and what slips the fastest are the years gone by and the woulda, shoulda, couldas. So put a little busy aside (you can find the time if you make it a priority) and do something that breaks the pattern. It’s different for everyone so you decide what you need to do . . . and use a little RSG to bust up your busy rut. Get out of your comfort zone and get off the treadmill that’s keeping you captive. You may still be running, but you will at last, be going somewhere. RELAX. SET. GO.
September 11, 2010
Remembering 9/11
I look out my window as I write this and stare at the perfect blue sky in NYC . . . the same one we all remember on 9/11 and the one that can transport us back there, if even for a moment, during an otherwise regular day. But today isn’t regular. The memory of 9/11 is always there but it comes crashing down, each year, on the anniversary in a way that is still so raw and painful.
I realize that we have to go on with celebrating life and that everyday activities have to happen, even on 9/11 but I also recognize the need to go there; to allow ourselves to feel something or everything. I am for moving on but I am not for sanitizing the enormity, anguish and sadness of that tragic day. I watch the coverage and in an instant, emotions come rushing back as I remember details with a clarity that I can’t even apply to what I did last week. Then the veil of numbness sets in as I go about my day.
Living in downtown NYC evokes very personal memories but none are more personal than those of the people who were at the WTC, lost loved ones that day, or involved in the massive aftermath. My prayers are always with them but especially on this day, my heart is theirs.
September 21, 2010
Where's Your Super Human, Super Hero Suit?
I would smile as he would transform himself and then I would marvel at the real life power this imaginary suit held for my little guy. It gave him certainty, confidence and inner strength. And it was always there, for play or purpose. It was a game changer in the best possible way and I secretly hoped that he would always have that lightening suit in his life and at his ready.
It's been a while since I've seen him put it on so I asked, "Where's your lightening suit these days?" In the most natural, matter of fact manner, he told me, "It's not gone. It's always with me." We talked about it a little and he told me that the lightening gives him special powers. He went on to say that the suit just turns on "like, if there's a mean kid or bully or something." I asked if it ever turns on at hockey and he said, "sometimes, if I have to go super fast or Coach needs me to do something really hard or something."
It took me decades to figure out what my 6 year old innately understands: when you give positive energy a tangible form, you can see it, seize it, and make anything possible. It's not make believe; it's real. So, where's your super human, super hero suit? Put it on today, or just try one on for size. You may discover a whole new road to remarkable and you may have a little kid to thank for it. RELAX. SET. GO.
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