Life is a Metaphor

While not a new idea, life as a metaphor is still a strong one . . . if you choose it to be. It may be cliché but clichés come from truth. So, choose your metaphor and make it your truth. Tony Robbins got me hooked on the concept a few years ago and I love it because, like RELAX. SET. GO., it is the definition of a quick step process that really works.

I never thought of my life as a metaphor or as a series of metaphors until I realized that my personal narrative was in essence driven by a subconscious life metaphor. It was the overarching theme of my mindset. If I could choose my narrative with RSG, then I could also choose my metaphor and live my life as such. So, as I was listening to Tony Robbins talk about the metaphor, I found my own: life is a dance. Like the orange color marker I use to amplify my energy (also compliments of Tony Robbins), I can always count on my metaphor to boost my narrative. In all honesty, when I think of my metaphor, I RELAX immediately because life is a dance makes me feel lucky and light on my feet, regardless of how lousy my lot may be at the time. Add this to my strong positive narrative and I am SET to GO for pretty much anything.

There is no rule that says choose only one, so if you like a little variety, choose a variety of metaphors . . . to use at will and which will always propel you to go for great!

Energy Entrapment

Anyone can become paralyzed by their own negativity but that’s not what this is about. This is about toxic people and how their bad energy can snare the unwitting into a spiral of emotional chaos. This is about energy entrapment.

It’s not that anyone sets out to be toxic. Many people don’t even know they’re toxic. They only see themselves so they don’t see the harm they do to others. They think they’re genuinely good which makes them all the more complicated. Most are driven by the need for power and adulation which is just a poor and often abused cover for deep seeded insecurity.

Toxic people rarely accept accountability and are hyper sensitive to any criticism, yet they themselves are skilled verbal abusers and smiling back stabbers. They know how to act in order to act in their own best interest. As a matter of fact, some of the most charismatic charmers are toxic to the core. In short, they are cons playing a game that they intend to win . . . at all cost to you and at none to themselves. You know someone like this, don’t you?

Toxic people do not derive their self worth from strength of character, they derive it from the weakness of others. They are cunning recruiters; zealously intoxicating followers who never question or confront. They need these people to feed their ego and to bow to their corrupt power. Toxic people are tireless self promoters who will artfully befriend anyone who can advance their personal agenda. They are ruthless competitors who despise any person and anything they cannot manipulate. They are the “wolf in sheep clothing” and the “snake in the grass.” Their boomerang is disingenuous and their energy is bad.

The sad truth is that toxic people are all around us. Their bad energy can be menacing and emotionally draining. It is poison and the only antidote is YOU. Deflect, deflect, deflect and always keep your energy positive. Choose empowerment over entrapment and do this: Stand up. Walk away. Fight back. Never join. Always defend. Believe in yourself.  RELAX. SET. GO.

The Good and Bad of the Boomerang Back

I want to be careful not to create an expectation that your good, strong energy will always boomerang back with the same promise you sent it out with. The sad truth is that some people are so emotionally shut down that your positive energy may reach them but won’t necessarily rub off on them. That doesn’t mean you give up trying. There are many personality types and many sides to each personality but personality doesn’t always define energy. Most people present different sides of their personality and different energies depending on mood and circumstance.

Instead of trying to define people in terms of one energy type, it’s helpful to identify the energy they transmit at the time of your encounter. It’s true that most people have an overarching energy essence but energy is also situational and, therefore, pliable. For instance, passive energy can be ramped up or toned down. Anger is also pliable but sadness can be impenetrable. Complainers and victims are rarely receptive to a positive boomerang because they tend to thrive on their own drama and don’t really want to get out of it, no matter how much they say they do or think they do! Toxic energy (we’ll explore this more in an upcoming post) is the most complex because, far beyond simply negative, it is hateful and deceptive.

As you become more conscience of your own energy, you will also become a better judge of the energy around you. You’ll gravitate to the positive and choose the best way to engage with (or walk away from) the negative. And even though energy can change at any time, there are a few things that will always remain constant:

• Negative energy will bring positive energy down but positive energy can always deflect and often diffuse negative energy.
• The snowball effect goes both ways: negativity energy begets negativity energy and positive energy begets positive energy.
• Beware of energy codependency: it is generally counter productive to thrive on someone else’s energy, even when it is positive.
• The boomerang always bounces back but can change energies on the return so be prepared for a different comeback, especially when dealing with negative energy.
• Misery loves company so always be sure to decline the invitation.
• The only antidote to toxic energy is self preservation. Keep your energy positive at all times.

If for some reason you get stuck in the negative: RELAX. SET. GO. . . . laugh, skip, dance and get your cardio cruising. It only takes a minute of doing something off the cuff that will put a smile on your face and good energy in the air.

A Note From Me (DAC)

Just as I was thinking that my good intention list is gathering dust because life keeps interrupting my to-do expectations, I got some unsolicited support from a friend. He apologized for not responding on a link I sent him (a while ago). Then he revealed that he was eager to read it but was feeling swamped, as usual, because it was sitting within a full screen pile of get-to emails.

I got a good mental visual of what his inbox looks like because it looks a lot like mine and maybe yours, too. He opens, scans, assesses, flags, saves some as new, and adds to the good intention list. Then he responds to what’s urgent which generally leaves no time for anything else. And of course, when the time does come for the good intention list, well, the list just doesn’t feel so good anymore. How could it when it has so much stuff on it?! We are not alone.

When you're feeling this way, a dose of RELAX. SET. GO. will do the trick. Use it to give yourself a break and change your perspective. Remember, it’s a get-to list, not a guilt list. That alone will ease the burden of volume and offer the reward of actually getting to it. There’s a reason for the cliché “if I had a nickel for every time . . . “ If I had a nickel for every time I thought about doing something on my good intention list, I could probably pay someone to do it!

I think a new global goal should be: Pause For Patience. It’s a sad commentary that the immediacy of the email culture has created so much emotional baggage that people feel guilty if they aren‘t quick to respond. And even worse; how sad is it that someone may feel scorned or rejected if they don‘t get that instant response! This weekend, try something new. Turn off the blackberry, don’t check your email and if you do, respond at will. You will like it, you will see.

The Energy Around You

Have you ever walked into a room and felt a jolt of energy, or the opposite, where you walk in and the room feels heavy and stale? Does it ever happen that you meet someone who you immediately like, or dislike? Have you ever been in a situation where everything seems to go right, or where nothing seems to happen at all? There is an energy to every place, person and situation. There are ebbs and flows, chain reactions and even sparks of spontaneous combustion. It is indefinable yet undeniable. It is the energy around you. You might not always be able to control it but your personal energy can influence it, and even change the experiential outcome. This is energy engagement and it is a very real sixth sense ability that we all have. It’s not mind reading or paranormal communication. It’s a mix of awareness and instinct that gives you the ability to gauge and engage the energy of your environment and the people around you. Energy is a boomerang but it will pick up the energy of others on it’s way back to you. So, you want to make sure to invite the positive and deflect the negative. Recognizing the energy around you (listen to your gut) will help to make sure that your boomerang comes back with the positive energy that you send out.

This is critical in the pursuit of happiness because energy is contagious, so you only want to catch the good stuff! I have always been attracted to people who seem naturally wired to see the positive, but admit I wasn‘t always one of them. I got rewired with RELAX. SET. GO. You can, too.

For earlier posts on energy consciousness and how to get yourself rewired, see December 2009 or go to the following links:

Identifying Your Personal Energy: What is your personal energy? How is it influenced by the situation or by the way you may physically feel at the time? Are you operating in the negative or in the positive? http://relaxsetgo.blogspot.com/2009/12/identifying-your-personal-energy.html

Out With The Old. In With The New: Energy = attitude = actions. Energy = mindSET. . . Conscious mindset allows you to choose your energy, write your narrative and go for everything you set your mind to. http://relaxsetgo.blogspot.com/2009/12/out-with-old-in-with-new.html

Turning On Your Positive Energy: If you think you can’t change your energy in an instant, think again. http://relaxsetgo.blogspot.com/2009/12/turning-on-your-positive-energy.html

A Note About My Education

I like to say I'm a work in progress . . . always looking to gain and grow from life experience.   I used to let life's challenges get in my way and too often, get me down.   Now, I can say that I pretty much feel lucky all the time and consider myself a successfully reformed life struggler.  I always strive to focus on the positive and to break any pattern that will sabotage the ideal possibilities. 

RELAX.  SET.  GO. is my daily mantra and the great thing is that I can use it for just about anything; even to reflect on lessons I've learned during my ongoing education.  Here are five that I was thinking about yesterday:

1)  The need for honest self reflection

     (you can’t change what you don’t recognize)

2)  Everyone has a right to empowerment
     (no one has the right to tell you how far you can or cannot reach)

3)  Human nature is consistent
     (we are all much more alike than we are different)

4)  Changing your life in order to reshape your mindset is hard to do
     (changing your mindsetorder to reshape your life is much easier
      and far more rewarding)

5)  Perspective is reality
     (when you begin to see the world differently, you’ll react differently
     to the world around you)

Have a great weekend . . . still snowing in NYC . . . enjoy!
DAC aka Denise

The Cumulative Effect

The great thing about energy is that it’s fluid. It can run high, low, positive, negative, and even passive. Our energy changes based on the situation at hand, our perspective of it and our physical condition at the time. The cumulative effect is the buildup of emotions and attitudes based on long term repetition that affects our reaction to different circumstances. A negative reaction can occur at different times for different people but it happens pretty much for everyone. When it does happen, it can be responsible for some of the most misunderstood behavior. Many consider it the proverbial straw that breaks the camel’s back.

It’s not that a reasonable person is suddenly prone to anger just because someone else does something that irks them (like never closing a drawer), or that the idea of a 12 hour work day makes an otherwise ambitious person want to curl up and stay in bed. It is the cumulative effect of dealing with issues, over and over again and on top of each other, that makes them so stressful or simply intolerable. You may be able to take things one day at a time but the days add up and so does the impact. That’s the cumulative effect. It puts emotional weight on the stressors, and that leaves too little time to nurture the things that really matter.

We’re talking about burn out, here and it hurts because it tends to singe every part of life. Don’t let it happen. Look, the great thing about anything negative is that the opposite end is positive. That end is very much in reach, every day, all of the time.

Even if you don’t think you can change your life or the stressors in it, you can change your mindset. This is exactly what RELAX. SET. GO. is all about . . . and it is life changing. The idea is to create a new level of engagement: tolerance, indifference, gratification, or whatever feels best. This depends on the energy you assign and the behavioral pattern you either follow or decide to break. Identify the cumulative stressors (or irritants) and make a decision about them. Mark each one with a mindset that will help you manage it and change your perspective to one that works for you, not against you. Make that mark (chosen mindset) your trigger for success and think about this: also identify the cumulative positives in your life and give them a little well deserved recognition, too. Just like the negatives that add up to the weight of the world, there are likely as many or more positives that should lighten the load. If you have the choice, and you do, always choose the positive. Because the truth is that the cumulative effect is very likely to become the constant condition and when it does, you want it to be a good one.