Let the Stress(less) Series Begin!

Bill Clinton, who recently underwent his second heart surgery, realized something was seriously off when he watched himself on TV. "I saw an interview I did with 'Nightline' in Haiti which terrified me," he said, "I looked like I was 185 years old. My color was bad." In addition to a lifetime of bad eating habits, Clinton attributed his condition to poor stress management including a severe lack of sleep.

On the other end of the spectrum is Gertrude Matthews, a 101 year old piano player who I am fortunate to know personally. She is truly amazing so I was thrilled to learn that ABC World News Tonight was doing a profile on her. In the segment, which just aired last night, you will see that doctors believe her music and connection to her listeners has kept her mind and heart in perfect health all these years. Dr. Thomas Perls, who has studied thousands of people over 100 says that Gertrude and so many like her are better at managing stress, are more outgoing and always optimistic, even about aging. Sounds a lot like a RELAX. SET. GO. mindset. He calls Gertrude an “Escaper” because she doesn’t internalize things that are stressful and has totally escaped age related diseases. I can attest that Gertrude is physically fit, active, sharp as a tack and has a better memory than I do. She also has a better wardrobe than anyone I know!

There is so much incredible information about the health related risks created by stress and equally, so much new information about the link between longevity (including memory) and brain fitness (also called brain plasticity). The RSG sidebar post, remember: chill, says that more lasting memories are likely to form when a person is relaxed . . . or in other words, not stressed. I’m excited to start this series of weekly posts and to demonstrate how RELAX. SET. GO. helps to promote all of the things that promote a healthy outlook and good health.

Gertrude Matthews, ABC World News Tonight: http://abcnews.go.com/WNT/video/music-101-year-woman-healthy-10441060

Signs

It feels like it’s been forever since my last post. Life has been a whirlwind dance of late and I am fighting the urge to beat myself up over my unintentional hiatus which started with my site being down for a week and ended in a protracted stint of managing a lot of time busting minutiae (like spending hours on the phone with tech services).

I had intended on starting my posting series on stress but something else has been tugging at me.

RELAX. SET. GO. opens doors because it opens you up to all things possible. It allows you to see the signs and to follow the green lights. In the past, I was so closed up that I walked blindly by open doors and was a master at ignoring signs; good, bad or indifferent. Now, I can’t help but grab hold of them and wonder what they mean, especially the signs I’ve been getting since my first RSG post in late November 2009. Incredible.

While deeply spiritual, I’ve been careful not to impart my faith based values into my RSG posts. I believe that faith is personal and respect all religions. So, I find it ironic that many of the comments I get from readers are about spirituality, and brace yourself . . . about God and the Bible.  Signs.

As an adult, I have never read or owned a Bible but I strike up a random conversation with a beautiful woman named Betty and two weeks later she sends me a Bible in the mail. Another sign. . . .

A random facebook connection turns into a discussion about God and the spiritual link to certain RSG values. RSG reconnects me with someone after nearly 30 years and I am awed by his transformation from crazy college kid to insightful theologian. More signs. . .

Within a 3 month period, I attend two funerals for people too young to die and am inspired by each family‘s unwavering faith. I go to Florida and sit next to a woman who starts talking about a man who spoke to Jesus while he was clinically dead for 3 days. On the same trip, I meet with a contractor and learn that not only is he from my home town on Long Island (how random is that?!), but that a religious healer literally saved his life after he received last rights. Signs . . .

I get home and open a video attachment that is about breaking subconscious barriers by thanking the Divine and asking for forgiveness. I get a (once in a blue moon) massage and find out that the masseuse is also studying the balance of energy and the healing powers of Reiki. I remember that my brother is alive because of the power of prayer (after 20 years there is still no medical explanation for his deathbed recovery). For several days in a row, I look at the clock and it is 9:11, an otherwise irregular sign from Brad who died in the south tower. A friend tells me about several freaky coincidences she experienced recently and I am reminded that nothing is by coincidence . . . including signs.

I believe in God and I know someone who truly needs a miracle so I follow the green lights and call the contractor’s healer in Florida. He confirms everything I believe regarding possibilities and I am inspired to pray for a miracle; not in desperation but in the strength. I think of the strength I gain from living in the RSG positive and know that combined with my faith in God it is even more powerful. I will not let the negative seep in and make me feel the fool for believing. Nonetheless, I play the skeptic until I open the mail later that same night. Amid bills and catalogs is an unexpected note from beautiful Betty about hope, new beginnings and prayer. I cannot deny the signs and I am grateful that I can see them. I’m ready for a miracle and I believe it can happen. RELAX. SET. GO.

Life is a Metaphor

While not a new idea, life as a metaphor is still a strong one . . . if you choose it to be. It may be cliché but clichés come from truth. So, choose your metaphor and make it your truth. Tony Robbins got me hooked on the concept a few years ago and I love it because, like RELAX. SET. GO., it is the definition of a quick step process that really works.

I never thought of my life as a metaphor or as a series of metaphors until I realized that my personal narrative was in essence driven by a subconscious life metaphor. It was the overarching theme of my mindset. If I could choose my narrative with RSG, then I could also choose my metaphor and live my life as such. So, as I was listening to Tony Robbins talk about the metaphor, I found my own: life is a dance. Like the orange color marker I use to amplify my energy (also compliments of Tony Robbins), I can always count on my metaphor to boost my narrative. In all honesty, when I think of my metaphor, I RELAX immediately because life is a dance makes me feel lucky and light on my feet, regardless of how lousy my lot may be at the time. Add this to my strong positive narrative and I am SET to GO for pretty much anything.

There is no rule that says choose only one, so if you like a little variety, choose a variety of metaphors . . . to use at will and which will always propel you to go for great!

Energy Entrapment

Anyone can become paralyzed by their own negativity but that’s not what this is about. This is about toxic people and how their bad energy can snare the unwitting into a spiral of emotional chaos. This is about energy entrapment.

It’s not that anyone sets out to be toxic. Many people don’t even know they’re toxic. They only see themselves so they don’t see the harm they do to others. They think they’re genuinely good which makes them all the more complicated. Most are driven by the need for power and adulation which is just a poor and often abused cover for deep seeded insecurity.

Toxic people rarely accept accountability and are hyper sensitive to any criticism, yet they themselves are skilled verbal abusers and smiling back stabbers. They know how to act in order to act in their own best interest. As a matter of fact, some of the most charismatic charmers are toxic to the core. In short, they are cons playing a game that they intend to win . . . at all cost to you and at none to themselves. You know someone like this, don’t you?

Toxic people do not derive their self worth from strength of character, they derive it from the weakness of others. They are cunning recruiters; zealously intoxicating followers who never question or confront. They need these people to feed their ego and to bow to their corrupt power. Toxic people are tireless self promoters who will artfully befriend anyone who can advance their personal agenda. They are ruthless competitors who despise any person and anything they cannot manipulate. They are the “wolf in sheep clothing” and the “snake in the grass.” Their boomerang is disingenuous and their energy is bad.

The sad truth is that toxic people are all around us. Their bad energy can be menacing and emotionally draining. It is poison and the only antidote is YOU. Deflect, deflect, deflect and always keep your energy positive. Choose empowerment over entrapment and do this: Stand up. Walk away. Fight back. Never join. Always defend. Believe in yourself.  RELAX. SET. GO.

The Good and Bad of the Boomerang Back

I want to be careful not to create an expectation that your good, strong energy will always boomerang back with the same promise you sent it out with. The sad truth is that some people are so emotionally shut down that your positive energy may reach them but won’t necessarily rub off on them. That doesn’t mean you give up trying. There are many personality types and many sides to each personality but personality doesn’t always define energy. Most people present different sides of their personality and different energies depending on mood and circumstance.

Instead of trying to define people in terms of one energy type, it’s helpful to identify the energy they transmit at the time of your encounter. It’s true that most people have an overarching energy essence but energy is also situational and, therefore, pliable. For instance, passive energy can be ramped up or toned down. Anger is also pliable but sadness can be impenetrable. Complainers and victims are rarely receptive to a positive boomerang because they tend to thrive on their own drama and don’t really want to get out of it, no matter how much they say they do or think they do! Toxic energy (we’ll explore this more in an upcoming post) is the most complex because, far beyond simply negative, it is hateful and deceptive.

As you become more conscience of your own energy, you will also become a better judge of the energy around you. You’ll gravitate to the positive and choose the best way to engage with (or walk away from) the negative. And even though energy can change at any time, there are a few things that will always remain constant:

• Negative energy will bring positive energy down but positive energy can always deflect and often diffuse negative energy.
• The snowball effect goes both ways: negativity energy begets negativity energy and positive energy begets positive energy.
• Beware of energy codependency: it is generally counter productive to thrive on someone else’s energy, even when it is positive.
• The boomerang always bounces back but can change energies on the return so be prepared for a different comeback, especially when dealing with negative energy.
• Misery loves company so always be sure to decline the invitation.
• The only antidote to toxic energy is self preservation. Keep your energy positive at all times.

If for some reason you get stuck in the negative: RELAX. SET. GO. . . . laugh, skip, dance and get your cardio cruising. It only takes a minute of doing something off the cuff that will put a smile on your face and good energy in the air.

A Note From Me (DAC)

Just as I was thinking that my good intention list is gathering dust because life keeps interrupting my to-do expectations, I got some unsolicited support from a friend. He apologized for not responding on a link I sent him (a while ago). Then he revealed that he was eager to read it but was feeling swamped, as usual, because it was sitting within a full screen pile of get-to emails.

I got a good mental visual of what his inbox looks like because it looks a lot like mine and maybe yours, too. He opens, scans, assesses, flags, saves some as new, and adds to the good intention list. Then he responds to what’s urgent which generally leaves no time for anything else. And of course, when the time does come for the good intention list, well, the list just doesn’t feel so good anymore. How could it when it has so much stuff on it?! We are not alone.

When you're feeling this way, a dose of RELAX. SET. GO. will do the trick. Use it to give yourself a break and change your perspective. Remember, it’s a get-to list, not a guilt list. That alone will ease the burden of volume and offer the reward of actually getting to it. There’s a reason for the cliché “if I had a nickel for every time . . . “ If I had a nickel for every time I thought about doing something on my good intention list, I could probably pay someone to do it!

I think a new global goal should be: Pause For Patience. It’s a sad commentary that the immediacy of the email culture has created so much emotional baggage that people feel guilty if they aren‘t quick to respond. And even worse; how sad is it that someone may feel scorned or rejected if they don‘t get that instant response! This weekend, try something new. Turn off the blackberry, don’t check your email and if you do, respond at will. You will like it, you will see.

The Energy Around You

Have you ever walked into a room and felt a jolt of energy, or the opposite, where you walk in and the room feels heavy and stale? Does it ever happen that you meet someone who you immediately like, or dislike? Have you ever been in a situation where everything seems to go right, or where nothing seems to happen at all? There is an energy to every place, person and situation. There are ebbs and flows, chain reactions and even sparks of spontaneous combustion. It is indefinable yet undeniable. It is the energy around you. You might not always be able to control it but your personal energy can influence it, and even change the experiential outcome. This is energy engagement and it is a very real sixth sense ability that we all have. It’s not mind reading or paranormal communication. It’s a mix of awareness and instinct that gives you the ability to gauge and engage the energy of your environment and the people around you. Energy is a boomerang but it will pick up the energy of others on it’s way back to you. So, you want to make sure to invite the positive and deflect the negative. Recognizing the energy around you (listen to your gut) will help to make sure that your boomerang comes back with the positive energy that you send out.

This is critical in the pursuit of happiness because energy is contagious, so you only want to catch the good stuff! I have always been attracted to people who seem naturally wired to see the positive, but admit I wasn‘t always one of them. I got rewired with RELAX. SET. GO. You can, too.

For earlier posts on energy consciousness and how to get yourself rewired, see December 2009 or go to the following links:

Identifying Your Personal Energy: What is your personal energy? How is it influenced by the situation or by the way you may physically feel at the time? Are you operating in the negative or in the positive? http://relaxsetgo.blogspot.com/2009/12/identifying-your-personal-energy.html

Out With The Old. In With The New: Energy = attitude = actions. Energy = mindSET. . . Conscious mindset allows you to choose your energy, write your narrative and go for everything you set your mind to. http://relaxsetgo.blogspot.com/2009/12/out-with-old-in-with-new.html

Turning On Your Positive Energy: If you think you can’t change your energy in an instant, think again. http://relaxsetgo.blogspot.com/2009/12/turning-on-your-positive-energy.html